elialshadowpine: ([whedon] pain)
So, last month, Storme lowered the amount that they had been sending me. I do not think they realized precisely how badly off this would put me. I needed to cancel the insurance for the second vehicle, because I simply couldn't afford it. As I have to have high risk insurance from the legal case last year, I will not be able to drive it. I have had to cancel essentially all recurring payments, even ones that are quite small. I kept two, but that is it (and both are actually necessary).

I have been covering the cost of our Ark: Survival Evolved servers for the past year and some. I looked at the finances, and there was just no way I could. I might have been able to, with the ones that were later in the month, but I couldn't guarantee it. So I did something I hate more than anything to do. I asked on the server FB and Discord if anybody was able to help.

We are very blessed to have amazing folks on our server. Nyx offered to cover the entirety, and I about burst out in tears. It means I do not have to worry about that. That's one less financial to drive my head in circles. We have good friends.

But...

My personal bank account is sitting at about $10. If there is any recurring payment that I missed, and it hits, it will be an overdraft. It will be repeated overdrafts. I have been there before, and it is difficult to detangle the serpent from eating its' own tail.

I am most comfortable with about $100 so that it is also not so tight that there is no "oh FUCK" money. I need to emphasize, significantly, that I am not asking any one person to send that, or even any great amount of it, or hell, or anything, truly, unless somebody honestly wishes to do so (and would not be putting themselves out by doing so! I don't want people to help me at the cost of themselves!).

If you are willing to help, and understanding that I am not going to be able to pay it back, for which I am greatly apologetic (although, I'm willing to do things like Tarot readings and ficlets, if desired), then my paypal is mistressnonny@gmail.com (and connected to my bank account.)

This should not be a permanent state of affairs. Storme was very upset when I told them how bad off I was, and they are going to see about increasing the amount by $100. If they are able to do that, it will help. It will be tight, still, but it will not be to the point that I am trying to keep from bursting literally into helpless, frustrated tears because I have looked at it from every angle and can't figure out a goddamn way to fix it.

(Before anybody asks, though, I did consider asking Mom. However, she just agreed yesterday to pay what will turn out to be around $2k in educational costs, for me to pursue tech work. So, I especially was not comfortable with the thought of asking her.)

I am so very sorry for dumping this on you all. I love you more than words can say, and that is entirely regardless of anything financial. I apologize for how -- overly emotional this is. I haven't been sleeping well. This is also, quite frankly, close to my very worst nightmare. I can think of a few worse, but....... can't everyone?

Thank you all for listening and being here for me. You are the best. <3

(I don't think this needs to be under a cut? But I truthfully cannot tell for certain at the moment.)

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Nonny Blackthorne

August 2017

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