Yeah, I have to admit part of the reason I've never explored the local scene is my awareness that going in as a newbie and a woman screams "I'M NAIVE AND VULNERABLE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING" to any fuckneck on the prowl. I'm older now than I was when I was in my first (ha, only) relationship, but I'm still extremely wary of sex as a situation where my partner would most likely feel entitled to being in control of me. I do like to think I've evolved to the point where I'd disagree very strongly with anyone who tried to assert his control, though.
True story: my ex, whom I was dating during a time in my life when I was undiagnosed and unmedicated for depression, suggested to me that we might be able to slap each other to jar the other out of a dark mood or whatever. Why I agreed to this I do not remember, except that it seemed reasonable at the time, along the lines of Mrs. Peacock getting slapped in Clue. He tried it exactly once with me: I slapped him back and yelled, "You never get to do that again!" In retrospect, it was a terrible idea to which I shouldn't have agreed, but I did because for some reason I thought he knew better than I did. Well, back then, I thought everybody knew better than I did. Ah, well.
I was going to say that I wished there were classes or something to help subs negotiate the idea of being submissive without being spineless, but I think that sounds a little blamey on my part. In my own extremely limited experience, though, it was really easy for me to talk myself into a mindset where any boundaries I tried to have meant I was somehow "in the wrong." I guess what I'm thinking is that I wish there were a way for the idea that subs are people first to exist in the scene without spoiling it.
Ah, never mind; I don't know what I'm talking about.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-06 09:34 pm (UTC)True story: my ex, whom I was dating during a time in my life when I was undiagnosed and unmedicated for depression, suggested to me that we might be able to slap each other to jar the other out of a dark mood or whatever. Why I agreed to this I do not remember, except that it seemed reasonable at the time, along the lines of Mrs. Peacock getting slapped in Clue. He tried it exactly once with me: I slapped him back and yelled, "You never get to do that again!" In retrospect, it was a terrible idea to which I shouldn't have agreed, but I did because for some reason I thought he knew better than I did. Well, back then, I thought everybody knew better than I did. Ah, well.
I was going to say that I wished there were classes or something to help subs negotiate the idea of being submissive without being spineless, but I think that sounds a little blamey on my part. In my own extremely limited experience, though, it was really easy for me to talk myself into a mindset where any boundaries I tried to have meant I was somehow "in the wrong." I guess what I'm thinking is that I wish there were a way for the idea that subs are people first to exist in the scene without spoiling it.
Ah, never mind; I don't know what I'm talking about.